13 Questions Great Leaders Ask Their Teams

Guest Post by Josh Linkner 

We’re often encouraged to “lead by example,” and that through your explanations of various tasks at hand or answers to conundrums, your team members will grow.

While good leaders may voice a solution when a problem rears its ugly head, great leaders ask their teams how to solve it. By framing a problem around appropriate questions, your team will discover the right answers on its own terms, rather than simply being told. This fosters ownership, autonomy, and feelings of success – all crucial ingredients toward a healthy and productive group.

Interestingly enough, the act of asking (as opposed to answering) questions is more difficult and requires a tremendous amount of logical, tactical thinking on your part. I’ve often said that while anyone can notice wrong answers, it takes the creative person to notice the wrong questions. By positioning a challenge in a way that your employees have a chance to figure it out on their own terms, you’ve gifted them the ability to truly absorb the information for next time. Days, months, or even years from now, those employees will then be able to recall events from this problem-solving experience as a pattern to repeat as needed.

Here’s a list to get you started, and please let me know what other examples you come up with.

1. What is everything thinking, but nobody has the courage to say?
2. If this venture/project/new hire turns out to be a failure in a year, what will be the root cause?
3. If we were going to take that up an order of magnitude, then what would it look like?
4. If someone was going to come along and put us out of business, what would he or she do?
5. What if we did the opposite?
6. Take your biggest concern.  Ask “why.” Then repeat asking “why” four more times.
7. If we weren’t going to behave, what would we do?
8. What are the three things that are holding us back right now?
9. If there were zero chance of failure, what would we do?
10. What if it was an AND, and not an OR?
11. Are we focusing on preserving the problem to which we are a solution, or are we innovating our way to success?
12. If we could start over with a blank slate, what would we do differently?
13. What do you need from me in order to help you reach your full potential?

In this way, it’s no different than the age-old parable that if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for the day, but if you teach a man to fish, you’ve fed him for a lifetime. If it is the case for our basic survival mechanisms – that we must learn to do something on our own – it’s clearly applicable with our creativity, innovation, and problem-solving abilities. By involving your team members they’ll absorb the same skill-sets needed later in their careers, no different than fishing.

Josh Linkner is on a mission to help the world unleash its creative mojo.  The five-time successful tech entrepreneur and CEO/Managing Partner of Detroit Venture Partners delivers a clear call to action — it’s better to disrupt your organization before your competition does. The riskiest move companies can make today is hugging the status quo — believing the future will be like the past is the fast road to obsolescence.  You can connect with Josh at JoshLinkner.com  Follow Josh’s blog at:  JoshLinkner.com/blog

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Great Coaching Questions From The Life Of Nehemiah

Guest Post By Rainer Kunz

(Nehemiah is the 16th book in the Old Testament and is approximately 20 pages.  For a quick overview please click HERE.)

Great Coaching Questions From The Life Of Nehemiah

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the life of Nehemiah.  He was a man who made a big impact.  Quite often, coaching clients will voice their desire to make an impact in their world.  When that opportunity arises in a coaching relationship, you can’t beat the following questions inspired by Nehemiah’s example.

First some background information.  Nehemiah was cupbearer to the King of Persia.  That made him the second most powerful man in the world at that time.  And yet, he desired to make an even greater impact for God.  That’s the foundation for a great coaching question:

“What kind of impact do you want to make in your world?”

When Nehemiah heard about God’s people in Jerusalem being depressed, discouraged, and defeated he took it seriously and prayed.  His heart was broken by the things that break the heart of God.  Nehemiah was dialed into God’s priorities and therefore he was sensitive to the true needs of others. This generates a second powerful coaching question:

“How sensitive are you to the needs of those around you?”

Nehemiah also models the value of a proven track record. We see that the king considered him so trustworthy he gave him the most reliable position in the kingdom – cupbearer. He entrusted his personal security to him. There was enormous confidence there because Nehemiah was dependable. That’s what we see in the lives of successful people who make an impact in their world.  As a skilled coach probes further, he or she may want to ask their client this question:

“How dependable are you?”

Lastly, the life of Nehemiah shows us that when the situation needed a leader, Nehemiah said, “I volunteer! Here am I, send me!”  He already had the job that everyone else wanted.  The problems of Jerusalem were a thousand miles away which was a two month journey across the desert on a camel.  And yet Nehemiah said, “I’ll go! I’m not even a contractor but I’ll go rebuild the wall!”   He was available. That creates another great question:

“How available are you?”

God chose Nehemiah even though he didn’t have the skills for that particular job. Why?  Because Nehemiah wanted to make an impact, was sensitive, dependable, and available.  God is not looking primarily for ability in the people whom He uses, as much as He’s looking for spiritual sensitivity, credibility, dependability, and availability. What a wonderful privilege coaches have to help people explore these crucial issues.

Rainer Kunz is a pastor in Washington State, teaches full time at the University of Phoenix and is also an adjunct professor at Brandman University, Vincennes University and Olympic College.  He is also a CoachNet.org Global partner and Director of Coaching for Forge Canada a growing network of leaders and churches in Canada. Helping individuals and organizations reach their goals is his calling.

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The Art of Asking Great Questions

Guest Post by Melissa Kovacevic

After this client and I had listened to a particularly bad vendor presentation together, during which the vendor discussed every feature except the one that the client had specifically asked about, my client simply turned to me and said:

“I always tell my sales people, no one ever lost a sale by listening”.

How appropriate for the poor sales effort we had just observed.  How appropriate for coaches who are fixated on “telling” instead of listening.

Many of our contact center coaches have training backgrounds or have acted as mentors with new agents before being promoted to a Quality Analyst or Supervisor role involving coaching.  There are many advantages to having that training experience, but as some have shared with me, there are negatives as well.

If the style of training they used was in a classroom focused on lecturing on products, procedures and policies, or telling an agent how to do the specific skills in a side by side mentoring situation, some find themselves bringing those telling focused methods into their coaching activities as well.

New coaches need us to help guide them with more than just a checklist of to-do’s or skills to coach.

One new coach I worked with recently told me that she had just realized that since her promotion to that role, she had been focused on telling.  She thought her goal was to explain, tell and make sure the agent repeated what had been taught. She had been asking few questions to find out what the agent thought, how they thought the customer felt during the interactions monitored, or why the agent used the skills that they did, whether good or bad.

Why are questions so important to our coaching activities?

• Questions help our session to be more interactive
• Questions help us to learn what is driving certain agent skills and behaviors
• Questions help us to learn what agents know or don’t know about our products, processes, policies and expectations for customer experience
• Questions help us plan an effective “action plan” to help the agent improve and feel motivated to continue to improve
• Questions help agents feel a part of the solution if skills are a problem.

Teach your coaches how to ask great questions.  And be sure to ask them some questions about their coaching skills too!

Melissa Kovacevic is a  Customer Experience and Contact Center Consultant.  She has partnered with Contact Centers and Retail Service clients since 1983, helping them to develop strategies, operational processes and skills to successfully blend People, Process and Technology for Customer Experience success.  Her results-based “Coach the Coach” program for service and sales leaders focuses on real world “on the job” skills coaching with participants and development of quality monitoring processes and tools. Melissa’s articles have been published in Contact Center industry publications and blogs worldwide.

You can connect with Melissa on her website:  MKCallCenterImprovement.com  And you can follow Melissa on her Blog: Customer Service Power…Turn it On!  MKCallConsult.wordpress.com

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Jesus on Leading: Listening 1: 10 Questions I Love to Ask

Guest Post by Judy Douglass

You’ve probably noticed, when reading the Gospels, that Jesus was consistent in his conversation.  He asked a lot of questions.

If you think about it, asking questions implies something so critical to leading:  a willingness to listen.

Now I’ve known people who ask lots of questions, but they don’t listen.  You’ve barely begun to reply before they ask another question.  I don’t think that’s how Jesus did it.  Nor should we.

Perhaps, in order to listen well and learn something from the person we are talking with, we should seek to ask questions that draw people out, that create a safe environment, that encourage open minds and open hearts, that say I care about you.

The need to listen is true for all relationships:  where we work and lead, with friends and acquaintances, with spouse and children, with those we know well and those we just met.  By asking questions and listening to responses, we demonstrate that we truly care about them and we go much deeper in our understanding of them.  We lead better, friendships grow, family ties strengthen, trust increases.

Here are 10 questions I love to ask:

1.  What are you thankful for today?

2.  What is something you have learned lately?

3.  If you could change something in your life (circumstances, job, attitude, family…), what would it be?

4.  What/who has encouraged you this week?

5.  If you could design your own job, what would it look like?

6.  What book (or movie) has influenced you in the past month?

7.  What is something you’ve often dreamed of doing?

8.  What is the scariest/most challenging thing you have ever done?

9.  If someone asked you for advice for a happy life, what would you tell them?

10. And my favorite: How has God surprised you lately?

It never ceases to amaze me where conversations can go from listening to answers to such questions.

What about you?  What are some of your favorite questions?

Judy Douglass is a writer, speaker and encourager.  She partners with her husband, Steve, to lead Cru.  A former magazine editor and author of five books, Judy travels the globe to love and encourage staff to believe God for the more He wants to do in and through them.  She writes at “Kindling” and tweets @Jeedoo417

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Shopping for Your Next (Multiplier) Boss

Guest Post by Rob DeLange

Have you ever been in a job interview at that critical point when the interviewer makes that timeless inquiry: “Do you have any questions for me?”  Some people use that opening to ask about team characteristics and more specifics about the job.  While those things are important, remember also that this is a perfect time to find out if the hiring manager tends to lead like a Diminisher or a Multiplier.

There’s a lot at stake—not only your future job satisfaction, but also the trajectory of your career.  You may recall from Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter, Multiplier leaders create a cycle of growth for those they lead, whereas Diminisher leaders create a cycle of dependency and decline, turning A players into A- or B players.

If you can detect diminishing leadership before you make the mistake of working in that environment, you will save yourself lots of stress and avoid career stagnation because your full capabilities are left on the sidelines.

I’ve had the good fortune to work with some great Multipliers in my professional life. Each has prepared me for more fulfilling and meaningful work later on—although I didn’t always recognize it at the time.  Diminishers have the opposite effect.  They slowly (and sometimes imperceptibly) drain your confidence, your passion for excellence, and your desire to stretch.  Staying in that cycle for a prolonged period of time can severely damage your career.

So how can you detect Multiplier or Diminisher leadership tendencies in an interview?  Here are a few questions oriented to your potential peer group that can reveal much about the mindset of the hiring manager.

1.  How are decisions made on this team?

If the answer is “The Big Cheese calls the shots” there’s a good chance that you are dealing with a Diminisher.  Responses like “it depends on the situation” may indicate Accidental Diminisher tendencies such as pace-setter or rescuing behaviors mentioned in The Multiplier Effect book by Liz Wiseman, Elise Foster, and Lois Allen.

One of the best answers I’ve heard is “we are consulted on issues of importance, and sometimes the team has heated debate about which way to go”.  That’s excellent evidence of Multipliers leadership in action.

Don’t forget to compare the answer you get from the boss with the perceptions of direct reports—and former employees.  Incongruent responses are a big red flag.

2.  What’s the greatest challenge that you’ve had to deal with on the job?

Find out how the scenario played out.  Was it an unforeseen crisis or was it actually orchestrated by the leader?  Did the boss ask them to do something hard to help the organization achieve a lofty goal, or was it a fire drill created by the whim of the leader?  Did the boss tell them how to go about overcoming the challenge?  How deeply was the leader involved in the resolution?

The best responses will point to the leader asking big questions or stretching people to go beyond what they might have done before.  Also, the boss will give coaching or guidance, but not rescue a person from failure.  Were others on the team willing and able to help?  That indicates people are free to contribute at their best.

Here’s a potential red flag: the challenge doesn’t seem like a substantive challenge to you, or the solution emerged along a “primrose path” rather than the person struggling a bit or making a mistake or two along the way.

You want to find evidence of real challenge, where mistakes happen within tolerance limits and people grow.  If time permits, ask them to share another challenge before or after the one they just related so you can see if there was increasing or diminishing complexity—or if the challenge was a one time event.

3.  How are your 1×1 meetings with your boss?

The key objective of this question is to find out who controls the agenda: the boss, or their direct reports. Multipliers will ask questions, set a standard of excellence, and share important information—but they won’t dictate the agenda.   This is a good place to seek evidence of micromanaging behaviors.   If in doubt, ask the person to give you a play-by-play of their most recent 1×1 conversation.

Red flags: “We don’t have them” or “I just give status on my projects”.

4.  How much turnover has there been on this team during the time you’ve been here? For those who have left, where have they gone?

Too much turnover might mean that people are getting burnt out or exhausted due to tyrannical or micromanaging behavior.   Too little turnover might indicate complacency, lack of challenge, or a protectionist leader who puts talent “behind the glass” for all the world to see but not touch.

The best responses will indicate that people leave to take challenging development opportunities in line with their career goals, or they get promoted and move up elsewhere in the business.   You want to see evidence that people are prepared to do bigger and better things as a result of working for this hiring manager.

5.  If you had all power and could change ONE thing about the leadership style of your boss, what would it be?

Watch body language and listen carefully to this response.  If you sense that the person isn’t being candid, you might be dealing with a boss that is working hard to create an environment that preserves their image or infallibility.  If the person genuinely doesn’t know, that could be a red flag too because the leader might not be fostering an environment where people can learn (make mistakes).

The best response is usually a smile or a laugh where the person exclaims: “Oh yes, she tends to get on her soapbox a lot and we sometimes have to call her out on that.”  Frank answers are also good, such as “his workaholic mentality – but we’ve talked about it and I’ve seen progress”.

It is always a good sign if elements of the leader’s personal development plan are brought forward in conversation because that’s an environment where you can also develop with the support of your boss and peers.

Conclusion

I’ve shared a few of my favorite interview questions to help you shop for your next boss.  I hope these have sparked deeper thinking that will enable you to add a few questions of your own to accurately assess whether or not a hiring manager leads like a Multiplier or a Diminisher.

If necessity dictates that you must accept employment for an interim period working for a Diminisher, you can still be proactive and reap the benefits of Multipliers leadership practices yourself.  Liz Wiseman gave good advice about that in this HBR blog: How To Bring Out The Best In Your Boss.

But, as Winston Churchill once said, never give up. Never, never, never give up! Don’t get discouraged and stay in Diminisher territory indefinitely. Be relentless and continue to rigorously interview until you get your chance to work for a genuine Multiplier.  It will make all the difference!

Rob DeLange is the Director of Training and Consulting at The Wiseman Group, a leadership research and development center in Silicon Valley. Rob enables organizations to deeply implement the essential practices of the Multiplier, as documented in the book “Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter.”

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Kris Robertson shares his Top 5 Coaching Questions

Guest Post by Kris Robertson

Kris shares his top 5 Coaching Questions:

1.  What else?

For me probably THE most powerful of questions.  The beauty is both in its simplicity and the suggestion in the question that there IS something else.  Far more powerful than the closed version “Is there anything else?” which I often hear on practical assessment calls.  The difference simply that the ‘What’ prompts the brain to search and find, whereas the ‘Is there’ results in either a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’, often with very little need for thought.  Repetition of this question yields the best results.

2.  If you could wave a magic wand?

A fantastic way to bypass any obstacles the client may have in mind when considering the options available to them.  Great for clients who often edit their options or who struggle thinking of a range of different possible ways to approach their goal.

3.  Tell me about a time in which you have completed something similar to this before.

A great question to help the client identify the strategies they have used previously which have been successful from which you can then ask ‘What went well?’, ‘What did you learn as a result of this?’, ‘How might you go about things differently this time?’ etc.  Really useful to help your client identify the evidence that they have that they CAN be successful this time.  Avoid closing this question down by asking ‘Have you ever…?’

4.  What will be the impact of things staying the same?

A challenging question which helps your client consider the implications of not taking any action.  Helping raise their awareness and increase their motivation to take action in order to avoid the consequences of inertia.  Also a useful question to ask as occasionally it helps a client realise that actually, they don’t want the outcome they have suggested enough, or they are content with their current situation.

5.  What have you learned from this session?

I always think it is a positive and professional way to end a coaching session with a ‘wisdom-accessing’ question along these lines.  Plus, as an assumptive, it suggests that the client HAS learned something.  For me, it then makes it far easier to finish by asking for a referral or booking my client in for a further package of coaching sessions once they have had an opportunity to talk through the fantastic outcomes they have taken away from the session.

Happy Coaching!

Kris Robertson, UK’s leading Coach Mentor/Supervisor and Operations Director of The Coaching Academy

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Coaching is Not Kleenex

Guest Post by Julie Winkle Giulioni   

Have you noticed how frequently the word ‘coaching’ is used these days? You don’t read an article, attend a leadership workshop, or even speak with managers without ‘coaching’ being generously referenced.  It’s used to describe the act of:

• Helping someone do something
• Chewing others out
• Passing along information
• Delegating a task
• Recognizing what’s gone well
• Giving feedback
• Teaching a skill

It seems that for many, ‘coaching’ has grown to generically refer to any interaction a leader might initiate… much like Kleenex’s relationship to all other tissue. But, not all conversations are coaching; and coaching certainly is not Kleenex!

As leaders, many of us have gotten sloppy with our language. Maybe it’s because we know that coaching is a desirable behavior within most organizations. Or maybe we want to couch tougher conversations in constructive packaging. In any case, the lack of precision around our language translates to a lack of precision around our behavior… and that’s compromising the power of coaching.

Defining Terms 

Consider just a few coaching definitions:

“Facilitating an individual’s search within themselves for the answers and resources they require to be limitless.”
– Michael Duffy

“Coaching in its truest sense is giving the responsibility to the learner to come up with their own answers.”
– Vince Lombardi

“Coaching is a powerful relationship for people who are making important changes in their lives.”
– Laura Whitworth in Co-Active Coaching

“Coaching is the art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another.”
– Myles Downey

When we think about coaching from the perspective of these sample definitions, it becomes clear that coaching is an intentional and deliberate process designed to systematically help others understand themselves and take responsibility for making choices to support their own growth.

Deploying the Definition

This is easier said than done for many of us. Yet, reflecting back on the best coaches I’ve ever had, I realize they share three key practices:

They ask great questions…. and lots of them. Coaching is about unlocking what the other person knows, feels, wants. Skillful coaches have a seemingly unending array of questions at their disposal. Easy ones. Challenging ones. Interesting ones. Impossible ones. But all designed to help others reflect on and deepen their understanding of themselves and their options.

They listen exquisitely. Since questions are the currency of coaching, the real payoff comes with listening. The best coaches are genuinely curious and interested. They listen beyond the words – to the emotions, hopes, possibilities, and concerns. They keep track of what they’ve heard, tuck it away, and use it to continually build a deeper understanding of the other person…and they reflect that understanding back to the other person.

They hold the space for possibilities. In the presence of good coaches, more is possible.  The best coaches inspire and challenge others to grow by fundamentally knowing that it’s possible. They promote optimism and a sense of capability as they make change and help others find new ways forward.

Coaching is a powerful act that drives learning, development, and performance. Let’s use the word more intentionally. It’s not feedback, corrective action, or delegation.  And it’s certainly not Kleenex.

What’s your definition of coaching? 

What did your best coaches do for you?

Julie Winkle Giulioni is the author of “Help Them Grow or Watch Them Go: Career Conversations Employees Want,” with Bev Kaye. Giulioni has spent the past 25 years improving performance through learning. She consults with organizations to develop and deploy innovative instructional designs and training worldwide. You can learn more about her consulting, speaking and blog at JulieWinkleGiulioni.com

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Smart leadership: The Power of Questions – A (Japanese) Story

Guest Post by KEITH COATS  (First posted on MARCH 12, 2013 in Keith’s blog: TomorrowToday)

“You can eat an apple,” I said, and gave him the green fruit.

It was as if he had seen an apple for the first time. First he just held it there and smelled it, but then he took a little bite.

“Mmmm,” he said and took a bigger bite.

“Did it taste good?” I asked.

He bowed deeply. I wanted to know how an apple tastes the very first time you taste it, so I asked again, “How did it taste?”

He bowed and bowed.

“Why do you bow?” I asked.

Mika bowed again. It made me feel so confused, that I hurried to ask the question again.

“Why do you bow?”

Now it was him who became confused. I think he did not know if he should bow again or just answer. “Where I come from we always bow, when someone asks an interesting question,” he explained, “and the deeper the question, the deeper we bow.”

That was the strangest thing I had heard in a long time. I could not understand that a question was something to bow for. “What do you do when you greet each other?”

“We always try to find something wise to ask,” he said.

“Why?”

First he bowed quickly, because I had asked another question and then he
said, “We try to ask a wise question to get the other person to bow.”

I was so impressed by the answer that I bowed as deeply as I could. When I
looked up Mika had put his finger in his mouth. After a long time he took it out.

“Why did you bow?” he asked and looked insulted.

“Because you answered my question so wisely,” I said.

Now he said very loudly and clearly something that has followed me in my
life ever since. “An answer is nothing to bow for. Even if an answer can sound ever so right, still you should not bow to it.”

I nodded briefly. But I regretted it at once, because now Mika may think that I bowed to the answer he had just given.

“The one who bows shows respect,” Mika continued, “You should never show
respect for an answer.”

“Why not?”

“An answer is always the part of the road that is behind you. Only questions point to the future.”

Those words were so wise, I thought, that I had to press my hands against
my chin not to bow again

Source: Jostein Gaarder, 1996 in Norway

Smart leaders ask good questions. Smart leaders know that not all questions should be answered. Smart leaders know the transforming power of ‘open-ended’ questions – and are not afraid to ask them.

Go on, take another few minutes to read this story again and then ask yourself, ‘What are the questions pointing you to your future?’

How smart a leader are you?

Keith Coats is the  Director of Storytelling at Tomorrow Today.  Keith’s passion and experience is in Strategic Leadership, Global Trends and the development of individuals and teams. Keith is a founding member of Tomorrow Today having spent some time in the non- profit, volunteer-based sector. There he filled the role of Regional Director and national board member of a large developmental agency. Keith was highly regarded for his leadership style and human development skills, and his chairing of various regional and national strategic restructurings.

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Asking Questions Is an Essential Part of Effective Leadership. Are You Asking the Right Ones?

Guest Post by Mark Athitakis – “Reposted with permission. Copyright, ASAE: The Center for Association Leadership, September 30, 2013, Washington, DC.”

Writing at the Harvard Business Review website, Dan Pontefract, head of learning and collaboration at the Canadian telecommunications firm TELUS, delivers an important if familiar message about how leaders need to develop a reflex for asking questions. “Perhaps the first step toward a better future for your organization is to acknowledge that you don’t necessarily know the way there — and, just as important, to understand that by asking questions, you not only awaken and engage people, you stand to collect more valuable perspective and ideas than you would by starting from a position of authority.”

OK, great. But what questions do you ask, and how do you ask them?

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “What’s the most likely way I could fail to get the right information in this situation?”

There’s no such thing as a dumb question. But I think we can agree that some questions are smarter than others. Reporters like myself struggle with this: Depending on the context, you sometimes ask head-on, sometimes you approach indirectly, sometimes you ask a “dumb question” on purpose. Sometimes you shut up and let people fill in the gaps. Whatever works.

But there are more structured ways to go about it. In their new book, Decisive, Chip and Dan Heath (the latter the Closing General Session speaker at ASAE’s Annual Meeting) spend a little time discussing the fine points of asking questions. They break questions down into two types: probing and open-ended. A probing question is designed to extract specific answers about specific problems from people who are in a position to provide detailed information. As an example, the Heath brothers discuss a study to find what question would help people learn about a defect with an iPod while shopping. “What can you tell me about it?” was a clunker. “What problems does it have?” got sellers talking.

An open-ended question, by contrast, is meant to get answers when the nature of a problem isn’t quite known and—this is important for leaders—to avoid questions that only serve to confirm the biases of the person who’s asking. The example here is a doctor who asks a patient “What was the pain like?” instead of assuming a peptic ulcer and then poking abdomenward.

When do you ask which type of question? The Heaths write: “A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, ‘What’s the most likely way I could fail to get the right information in this situation?’” For a leader who’s trying to learn something from their staffs and their members, I think specificity is the path to failure here. Pontefract details TELUS’ experience launching an initiative to improve its customer relations. The company management asked rank-and-file staff to share what they were hearing from customers. That resulted in 1,000 responses, which management whittled down to four “Customer Commitments.” The post doesn’t detail what specific questions were asked, but that level of response doesn’t happen unless the question is both relevant and open-ended. I’m betting it was something along the lines of “What are you hearing?”

I’ve written before here about how leaders are prone to working in bubbles. A good first step to avoiding that problem is to mix up the people who you meet and draw on for insight and information. A good second step is to think about what you ask. Are you looking for the facts, or just reassurance?

Mark Athitakis, a contributing editor for Associations Now, has written on nonprofits, the arts, and leadership for a variety of publications. He is a coauthor of The Dumbest Moments in Business History and hopes you never qualify for the sequel.  You can find out more about Mark at:  AssociationsNow.com

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3 Reasons to Lead with Questions

Guest Post by Brannon Marshall

Last week I heard Liz Wiseman share a story about how she spent an entire evening with her kids where she only asked questions.

No direct commands.  Just questions:

“Brush your teeth” became an empowering: “Do you guys know what comes next?” (“We brush our teeth!”)

Her rationale was essentially this: Leaders often lead through imperatives with the result that we end up diminishing the identity of those we serve.

As a teacher, leader, and parent, I often find myself leading through direct command. And I’ve wondered how much of my carefully-crafted content sticks. You might feel the same way.

So I tried it:

Last night, while Mandie was out with some friends – from 6:22pm all the way through bedtime – my kids (Joseph 7, Carston 6, and Hannah 3) got nothing but questions from Daddy.

It was incredible.

Instead of giving directions (“brush your teeth,” “pick up your toys,” “help your sister”), I forced myself to lead by asking only questions.

I didn’t let them in on it.

And they didn’t suspect a thing.

Here’s what I discovered:

1. You create more interesting conversation

Carston, my 6-year old son and I were sitting at the kitchen table, building LEGOs.

“Watcha building, buddy?” I asked.

“A spaceship,” he said. “Hey Daddy…”

“Yes?” I asked.

“What is space? How come the Sun sets? And why does the moon come up?”

Bound by my vow-of-questioning, I only replied, “Why do you think that is?” Carston cocked his head, thought for a second, and launched into a 3-minute explanation of how the earth spins around the Sun using bricks as visual aids.

I smiled. He was thinking. I loved it.

Not quite on the level of Copernicus, but still pretty solid.

Fifteen minutes later his LEGO creation was completed, and Carston was zooming around the house shouting, “Daddy! Look at my spaceship!” Determined to hold fast to my commitment-to-question, I asked, “What’s it called, buddy?”

“Zoom-a-licious.” he said.

2. You create a culture of thoughtful empathy.

Joseph (7) got frustrated with Hannah and threw a book across the room. On any other night, my response would have been: “Joseph! Stop that!” Or “Joseph! What are you doing?” (In all fairness, still a question, but not a very equitable one).

But instead of directing, I just calmly asked: “Joseph, do you think that was the rightthing to do?” (We had been here before.)

“No.” he said.

“Why do you think that was wrong?” I pressed

“Because I made Hannah feel bad inside.”

“What do you think we should do about it?” I asked.

“I should go say ‘I’m sorry’ and ask for her forgiveness.”

Mind. Blown.

I’m sure my jaw dropped because Joseph looked up at me and asked what was the matter.

On one hand, it was gratifying to know that our parenting is paying off. On the other hand it was completely frustrating. I realized that I’ve been teaching backwards for quite a while. Joseph’s a great kid. He knew the answer. But by working it through, he owned. it.

Awesome.

3. Leaders offer to help more often.

Hannah wanted her milk.

I knew her purple sippy cup was in her room. Sitting on her nightstand, in fact.

But I couldn’t say that.

Instead of “Hannah, go get your milk,” I thought for a minute and asked, “Hannah, can we go look for your milk together?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

She took my hand. Walked me down the hall. Right to where she (probably) already knew her milk was.

“Thanks, Daddy. I love you.”

(Seriously?!?! Where has this parenting tactic been?!)

Here’s the kicker:

When I look at the mini-culture I created at home tonight, it’s the same culture I want to see in my workplace and ministry: Conversation. Thoughtful empathy. Leaders acting as servants.

I asked their permission. I asked what they thought.

How about you?

If you’re a leader, there is a powerful lesson here:

Jesus taught through questions. He was great at it.

Try it.

Force yourself to ask only questions for a few minutes to engage kids’ brains. It will feel awkward at first. But it might yield some incredible results.

Pick up a copy of Multipliers or visit Liz’s website by clicking here.

Brannon has served as a church planter, youth pastor, worship leader, and Chicago street musician.

In his current role in Global Church Engagement with Awana, Brannon is focused on helping churches develop healthy children’s and youth ministries. He has led the development MOVE, an innovative resource for promoting conversation around children’s and youth ministry in the local church. He is also on staff at Christ Community Church in Bartlett, IL.

You’ll most likely find him reading books – some of which he actually finishes. Or fly fishing – a few of which he actually catches. Brannon and his wife Mandie live in Elgin, IL with their three children Joseph, Carston, and Hannah.

He secretly wants to be a Blue Man when he grows up.

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